What if Your Will Could Come With a Personal Note?

A Letter of Wishes lets you speak to your loved ones — and your executor — in your own words. Here’s why it might be one of the most thoughtful things you add to your estate plan.

Your Will is a legal document. It’s precise, formal, and necessarily written in the language of lawyers. But what about everything else — the story behind your decisions, the reasoning you’d want your family to understand, the heirloom you want to go to exactly the right person?

That’s where a Letter of Wishes comes in. Think of it as the human layer beneath the legal one. It doesn’t replace your Will — it accompanies it, written entirely in your own voice.

So, what exactly is it?

A Letter of Wishes (sometimes called a Memorandum of Wishes) is an informal written document you prepare alongside your Will. It gives your executor, your trustees, and your family guidance on things that are hard to capture in legal language alone — your preferences, your reasoning, and your values.

“Think of it as the personal, explanatory layer beneath the legal framework of your Will.”

In Ontario, it’s a recognized and commonly used tool in estate planning. Unlike your Will, it doesn’t need to be written in legalese — in fact, plain, personal language is exactly the point.

What can you put in it?

Quite a lot, it turns out. Some of the most meaningful uses include:

• Who gets the sentimental stuff — the jewellery, the china, the painting that meant something to you
• Your funeral and burial wishes (your will is often not read until after the service — this is the better place for that)
• An explanation of why you made certain decisions, especially if gifts are unequal or the family is blended
• Guidance for a trustee managing money for your children — what milestones matter, what you’d want funded
• Your wishes for how your digital accounts or social media should be handled
• Values, cultural traditions, or healthcare preferences you’d want a guardian to know when raising your kids.

It can also simply be a place to say what you couldn’t fit anywhere else — the context behind your choices, a message to your family about what mattered to you.

Does it have any legal weight?

Here’s where it gets a little nuanced. In Ontario, there are two flavours of a Letter of Wishes, and the difference is significant.

Non-binding (most common)

• Guidance only — not legally required to follow
• Stays private (not part of Probate)
• Update it any time without changing your Will
• Works best with a trusted Executor.

Binding (incorporated by reference)

• Legally part of your Will
• Must exist before your Will is signed
• Becomes a public document through Probate
• Strict legal conditions must be met.

For most people, the non-binding version is the right call. It’s flexible, private, and can be updated as life changes — without touching your Will. And a good executor will take it seriously even without being legally required to.

Good to know.

Because the non-binding Letter of Wishes doesn’t go through Probate, it stays out of the public record. That makes it a good home for sensitive family details or explanations you’d rather not have on file at the courthouse.

A few things to watch out for

It’s a flexible document, but there are a couple of pitfalls worth knowing about.

Watch out.

If you write your Letter of Wishes entirely by hand and sign it, it could accidentally qualify as a holographic Will under Ontario law — potentially creating conflict with your actual Will. To avoid this, don’t hand-write and sign it as you would a letter, and be clear in the document that it doesn’t amend or revoke your Will.

Also, use language that signals wishes rather than instructions. “I hope” and “I would like” do the job far better than “I direct” or “I require.” The latter sounds like a legal command, which isn’t what this document is, and can create confusion.

Finally, keep high-value assets and anything likely to be disputed out of the Letter of Wishes entirely. Those conversations belong in the Will itself, where they carry legal force.

How to set one up

The process is straightforward. Title the document clearly — “Letter of Wishes” works perfectly. Be sure to date it. Include a statement that it doesn’t revoke your Will. Write it in your own voice. Store it somewhere your executor can find it and let them know it exists.

The most important part is revisiting it regularly. Family dynamics shift, assets change, relationships evolve. A Letter of Wishes that reflects who you are today — not who you were when you first drafted your Will — is the one that will actually help your loved ones.

“The most powerful thing it can do is prevent the disputes your family might otherwise have — by giving them the one thing a Will can’t: your reasoning.”

It won’t hold up in court. But it might do something more valuable — help the people you love understand you, even after you’re gone.

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